so it's been a while since i updated this. well i dont even remember what i wrote last time. Let's start with life update then xd. I have a friends group in college now and i kinda enjoy hanging around with them and playing football. Also today was the cricket world cup finals and India lost. Even though I was not supporting India(I was supporting new zealand) it was kinda sad to watch them lose. But yeah life can't be good all the time. What about my life? well I don't know if I would term this as good or bad. I guess I should term it as average as nothing much is happening around. Most of the times I am in the house chilling and learning something. University exams are postponed so I have atleast a month of time to chill before worrying about grades again T_T. Also it's my birthday today so yeah happy 19th birthday. It was nothing special although I recieved more wishes than I recieved last year but yeah, for me the number of wishes dosen't matter. The people whom I expected a message from did message me and I am happy that we share a good bond. But yeah I shouldn't be happy or sad by these things as anyone can wish people without even caring about them (trust me I did that).

Well then, what changed from last year? Nothing as such I am still wasting a lot of time doing random things that just wastes my time. I am interested in backend dev right now and it seems cool as of now don't know how it'll go although i've heard that the more bigger system you work on the more complex things get. So that's a challenge and maybe I'd be ready for that when time comes. Also I thought last year that I'd earn so much more money by the time I turn 19 but yeah I was so wrong making money is easy (i guess) but yeah making a lot of money is difficult. I worked for a guy who paid me to do his university assignments (it was about sdl c language). But yeah I was not paid good enough, I felt that I can earn much more than this so I tried looking for some much more paying opportunities but haven't got one sadly. I hope by the time I turn 20 I have enough skills to get a decent job and survive on my own (i think it's important to gain finacial freedom) also people of my age are doing soo many things it sometimes gives you FOMO. But yeah sometimes it also teaches you that you need to get your shit together and work harder because there are much better people out there than you are and they deserve much more than you.

Also Do I still feel lonely? yeah kind of. I still don't have anyone with whom I can share everything (like I do here). Sometimes I vent on online forums but yeah that is different than discussing things IRL with someone who can see what are you going through. I promise I'll try to update it more frequently (or I'll do it when something big happens.) because if i keep on updating with boring stuff someday I'll also get bored reading this and thinking woah what a boring guy I was. I am also trying to develop a habbit of reading books and I try to read daily. Let's see how it goes. Currently I am reading thousand splendid suns. Maybe I'll post a review here when I am done reading it.

I hope when I read this next year I become a better person and achieve most of my goals mentioned. Even if i don't I should not be dissapointed if i have made the efforts. I'll be there no matter what. (oh lord when will this mbappe to real madrid saga end XD).

tbh i am feeling so depressed and sad right now that i am not smart and i can't solve problems on codeforces and someone who started 3 months ago is already a specialist i know everyone has different journey but i always lag behind everytime i feel like i dont put the hardwork and efforts needed and i just flex too much. So i have decided to practice and learn concepts of competitive programming nicely and focus on solving problems and also i've decided to quit all kinds of social media let's see for how long can i do it but i hope to i stick around and do the right things to make the bad time pass just as we saw before.Also i need to stop comparing myself to others and stop stalking others and focus more on myself and work on my goals rather than seeing other achieve their's by hardwork and motivation.Tomorrow is atcoder contest let's see how it goes also i need to learn stl as soon as possible as it is getting tough now to solve 1000 rated problems without the knowledge of stl i sometimes waste hours and hours on debugging and solving it correctly with the help of chatgpt.I hope that the future me would be proud of me reading this.

Well life is pretty good rn I came back to kolkata and attended all the events of meetup with friends and it went pretty well ngl.Tbh I should focus more on what kind of communication I am doing cuz yesterday i fucked up like this girl showed up and I directly went for college talks instead i should have started the convo with something else but that dosen't matter to others i guess most of them would have forgotten about it too and i should not stress on it. I want to write more about the events but not right now so i'll end this here i guess and continue some other time i guess.

Fuck society

well made some progressions on the cp resources website which I am working on as a side project i think i'll change the html myself tomorrow and add some minor css tweaks and then deploy it maybe idk tried learning js but failed and procastinated but i'm sure one day i'll make it either this month or next month i guess.Also now i've decided to go khabib mode that is work hard and hard and hard and focus on your goals and yourself only also your body needs the same attention you give to your work otherwise it will stop functioning so I will do some regular workouts and would try to join a gym ASAP.Didnt solve a single problem on codeforces,procastinated all day but I hope tomorrow i'll do some lectures by striver on binary search and then solve problems on binary search both on cf and lc then i'll try to do some problems from ACD ladder which is the updated form of c2ladder.

Saw the documentary about minimalism on netflix and I feel like it is something everyone should try to achieve the world will be better place to live if everyone is a minimalist but can everyone become a minimalist that is the question because if we dont buy stuff then the comapny will be in losses and then shutting themselves down maybe so it might have a negative impact on the society too.

	"I wish everyone becomes rich and famous so they realize it's not the answer"
   		 	      	  	    	 	      	      - Jim Carrey

Making more money might give you a sense of well being but you don't have control over making more money what you have control over is spending less money.There is more to life than bills and money and work. Also learnt about attention from the documentary we should give more attention on things which are useful and not on things which are not useful like for example when you walk on a street you'll see everyone glued to their phone checking notifications even though they don't have one like they are lonely but still they want to feel like they have someone who will be texting them or they wanna show people how buys or how much wanted they are. I was also there at some point at my life when I was in college looking everyone chatting with their friends on the phone and I had 0 messages that made me feel bad but then I realized that is it worth it?. No it's not and now I've decided to check my phone as much less as possible an average man checks his or her phone for 150 times in a day.Heck that's quite a lot of time but if we use that attention span in something different maybe striking a conversation with other person or doing something useful like reading a book that might help us immensly or just leave everything and close your eyes and meditate how many times you do that in a day.You feel like you're busy but you're not it's in your hannd to make yourself free and available for the things you like to do or for the things you value. Also stop worrying about things that is not in your control. Utility of worry:: Wether it makes sense to worry about missing a flight if i miss my flight I am screwed.But there is a certain amount of worry that makes sense and a certain amount that dosen't.When you are worrying about missing your flight for the 17th time ask yourself is this worth it?? like what will can you even do worrying about it.If you think you have a edge over your peers when you are worrying about things then you are wrong there is constructive and miserable worrying.I relate to this a lot like the amount of time I have spent worrying about my future in this 1 year is like immense wether i'll be getting a job, wether i will get laid and other things bro fuck it don't think about it more than once.

LET IT GO>> This is todays message I hope I would come back to this in future and thank myself for seeing and writing this and following minimalism.

Well the plan to go back is not certainly 100% these guys are keeping it on and off i dont know if i will be able to make it or not but bruh why are people like this like if you have decided one thing just stick to it bruhhh why does your decision change every moment I hate people who are of this kind like they cant even stick to one decision they are always lost and don't know what's going on. Also mbappe coming to madrid is imminent know as some people are saying I really want to see it happen. Another galatico squad is here knocking on the door let's see how can we dominate the world this time. It's unilimited money against the holy prestigious badge lmao.I'd like to end here as i don't have anything else to say good night mate.

Well good times come for real you just need to wait and hang around when you feel like the time is bad for you or things are not going according to you.The plan to go back to kolata is ready and now i'm excited to meet my old friends and hang around with them also i got a idea today to start creating websites using org mode i will try it out the first website i am gonna create will have some competitive programming resources which i collected from all over the internet.Also I will try to do more dev related things in the future beacause i feel like that's where i belong xd let's see how it goes and aslo chatgpt is so cool for solving your problems man like whatever i want in my emacs i just have to think about it and then tell chat-gpt and it returns the code in emacs lisp that needs to be added in the config file and it works perfectly i will be using more of this in the near future when i'll be ricing my next setup xd.So I don't have anything else to say so i guess i'll end it here just making it a daily routine kinda thing to blog about my life just like zuck did in the social network moive yeah i watched that movie yesterday man zuck was a genius the way he thought about things and then implemented it was kinda cool.cya

It's been a long time since i wrote this +so i decided to write today well many things are there to say but let's see how much can i write so my 2nd semester ended 1 or 2 week ago and the exams went quite mid i am sure i'm getting a back in maths, chemistry was below average only programming and english went well cuz why not they are the easiest subject to do also now i'm in village cuz my sister wanted to experience it and now i wanna leave this place asap becuase i feel like i'm stuck here also i cant focus on my skills here and idk i dont feel like i belong here when i go out i feel like it's such a downgrade to come here what am i doing here?? why am i here? ALso I started doing competetitive programming recently and it's really hard bruv I rarely solved a problem by myself in a contest but I'm sure I'll be there no matter what xd also mbappe is coming to real madrid this year or next year so it would be quite good to see him coming here in the biggest club in the world.In development I'm doing javascript but it's more like I'm stuck in js cause i'm too afraid to keep doing it and I become inconsistent with it I hope I cross this js hurdle soon.I realized now that it's not about the time taken it's more like how much you learn and make yourself better. Also in the next 10 days I have a plan to go hangout with my friends but idk if I will be able to make it or not till now there is no plan to leave this place and i really wanna go there cuz i don't want a plan to be cancelled because of me and also I wanna meet that one girl who is coming here to meet us. I've met her in december it was good, I wanna experience that again no cap. In the next 3 weeks my college would be starting again and I dont know how will I focus on myself again like I did nothing in the vacation and my mind is not in the right place to do something right now and i don't want to go in my regular routine again without doing things i really wantd to do. I wanted to learn js in this vacation solve some dsa which will be there in the next sem, learn advanced concepts of css like responsiveness and make my projects responsive then learn some css frameworks there are too many things to do and when you realize you haven't done anything and someone who started behind you is now catching speed and might overtake you but i also remember sometimes that everyone has their own journey so let's see what happens ending it here i wanna be more consistent with this but i'm not sure if i will be able to do it still see ya later.

So i'm now gaining interest in competitive programming and would be solving some questions and try out some contests to see how it really works out I am very interested to see how much can i learn by myself and how much motivation can i keep till the end i wanna become a red coder but that's a far fetched dream now also i was seeing the details of icpc tournament so i also want to participate in that but for all this i have to improve my skills by solving questions and giving more and more contests and upsolving my self let's start this journey to see how it goes on also it was a 1 week holiday due to extreme heat so i got some days off from college and so i was focusing on cp more and also i just completed the rock paper scissor project of javascript 2 days earlier and now i'm fully focused on cp but i should also do other things too if i think about it all day it would give me a burnout but definitely i'm not giving my 100% to it rn also i just met a guy on a discord server whose journey motivated me to go explore the cp path thank you 18o3 i gave my first contest on atc today and was not able to solve even a single problem but i know i'll be able to do it one day all the pro competitive programmers told that just keep practicing questions enjoy the journey and focus on improving.

ALso the fest which was supposed to be held on sunday that is tomorrow is postponed to next week so let's see how that experience goes